Two-cent piece

I’ve been meaning to catch up on my pop culture reviews. Because I’m lazy, no one really wants to read 500 words about one book, album, etc., and like the typical twentieth century kid, I’m obsessed with instant gratification. So, this is just my two cents on what my attentions have been directed to as of late. Feel free to recommend anything for me to review.

Be advised: This is a “hyper” story. Any title that may seem interesting and/or unfamiliar is hyperlinked. That’s right, I’m going WebMD on your ass. I’ll try to do this whenever I shove a cornucopia of pop culture down your throat.

Downtown Owl: After spending the past decade in the limelight writing for “Esquire” and “SPIN” as a comically dark critic of pop culture and how he perceives it, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (2004) author Chuck Klosterman switches gears to the 1980s sleepy town of Owl, N.D., a place where, as Klosterman puts it, “disco was dead but punk never happened.”

As Klosterman’s first foray into fiction, Downtown Owl isn’t too shabby. It’s a little rough, and in some depths of the text it’s prevalent that Klosterman is an accomplished writer testing different waters, however Klosterman is able to smoothly wade fiction with his signature voice: honest, sarcastic and endearing. 3.5/5

Acid Tongue, Jenny Lewis: The Rilo Kiley frontwoman respectfully sheds the Watson Twins in her follow up from 2006’s Rabbit Fur Coat, teaming with the likes of Jonathan Rice and Elvis Costello for a gritty, bluesy, sexy tone. Check out “The Next Messiah.” 4/5

Andrew Bird: His velvet vibratos joined by folky, eccentric beats. Check out “Fake Palindromes” (The Mysterious Production of Eggs, 2005) 4.5/5

Girl Talk: It doesn’t matter if you don’t appreciate rap, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t appreciate rock: You gotta give this guy props for creativity. Night Ripper (2006) meshes Ludacris, Boston, Elton John, and Nirvana, and it actually sounds good. You go, girl. 3/5

The Soup: This is a no-brainer. It’s on E!, and broadcasts throughout the weekend. God bless you, Joel McHale. This is what Perez Hilton would be like on television. 5/5

Burn After Reading: As the Coen Brothers lovingly return to their slapstick from their Academy-praised No Country for Old Men, BAR’s a good’n. The best part of the movie, as in most Coen films, is the idiosyncrasies of the characters, especially power-duo of the dim-witted, skunk-maned Chad (Brad Pitt), and the even more dim-witted, plastic surgery-obsessed Linda (Francis McDormand).

The movie received mixed reviews, but so did Fargo and O Brother, Where Art Thou?. I could see someone not enjoying the movie, because the film ends with not much closure, but it’s undoubtedly Coen. “What did we learn? Not to do it again, I don’t know what the fuck it is we did…” 3/5

Bryn Rich on Illinoise Sunday, Oct. 26: Nice show, guys. Underground Illinois music gets a voice every Sunday night on Hit Mix 88.9. Hosted by Learn to Fly’s Bryant Fritz, this particular installment was complete with live jams (thank you Bryn), additional guests (Aslan’s Claw frontman Josh Annis), weather updates (Sufjan, without you none of this would have been possible), copious requests and dedications, and interesting discussions ranging from a (wooden? crayon?) panther to upcoming local shows. Keep rockin.’ 4.5/5

Cheers,

CS

Extras...

DCFC's Ben Gibbard drops in on Jenny Lewis

Daytrotter Session of Andrew Bird's "Lull"

Condensed Soup

Burn After Reading's mixed reviews

Carleton Singing Knights cover "Chicago" a cappella

Veni, vidi, velociporous

It’s a snake? It’s a lizard? It’s a bat?

Dragons: they’re referenced in any realm of pop culture from phallic nicknames to J.K. Rowling lore. They’re as factitious as unicorns (yeah, unicorns don’t exist either), yet we’re led to believe that they’re scary, incendiary, and, well, big in contrast to its fantasy Lisa Frank counterpart.

I can’t help but wonder, is this entirely true? Thanks to mainstream’s interpretation of these creatures, we have these preconceived notions—that in the small chance that fire-breathing dinosaur-like reptiles should ever exist in this lifetime—of the anatomy of a dragon.

According to all-too-reliable Wikipedia, the “unifying feature of almost all interpretations (of a dragon) is it being a serpentine or otherwise reptilian monster (or at least possessing a serpentine/reptilian part or trait), and often possessing magical or spiritual qualities.” This makes for an entire palette of interpretation. If scientists can’t prove this mythological creature’s existence, scientists (or, in this context, the Average Joe) can’t exactly dictate its anatomy or habits. So, I’ve used my creative abilities to interpret these mythical creatures.

First and foremost, they may be carnivorous but they’re not always on the prowl. They’re not fucking lions or tigers or bears (oh my). Because it’s theorized that they’re closely related to reptilians, they sense fear just as snakes. If you’re calm, the dragon’s calm. Remember this, and you’ll be safe from any dragon attack, should you ever encounter one. However, never wake one of them up. If this happens, consider yourself shit out of luck.

Like a Doberman-pinscher, the dragon will be very skeptical of your presence until you’ve proven your harmlessness. A way of pacifying this mythical creature is to slowly blow air into its nose. Just like a Clydesdale, the dragon will get used to your smell and trust you. If you succeed in doing this (and manage to not get your face singed), the dragon will protect and defend you. You might say the beast becomes the bitch.

Now that you’ve tamed this animal and it’s ready for domestication, you need to know how to care for it.

Feeding it: dragons are omnivorous, so you can feed it plants or you can feed it people. Plant a garden and get your shit-list started.

Neutering: moot point (well, almost a moot point)—dragons are asexual. In order to reproduce, dragons slice off a scale from one of their leathery wings, blow fire on it, and you’ve got a dragon egg. So, buy nail clippers.

Maintenance: just like any species in kingdom animalia, dragons poop. There’s no magical way around this. Buy a litter box and a shit load of Lysol.

After a day of playing Frisbee and Monopoly with your beloved dragon, the most rewarding part is putting it to sleep. There are two fundamental things to remember in this process, or else the dragon won’t sleep and neither will you. First, whistle the Harry Potter score composed by John Williams. This will hearken memories of the dragon’s childhood at the Hogwarts colony, putting the creature into a state of total serenity. As the beast begins to purr like a kitten, exhaling small campfire cinders from its nostrils, stroke the back of its neck until it is snoring like a congested puppy.

Dragons are mythical, so why not? If you refute these claims, you’re a dumb-ass.

CS

What Wikipedia Believes